


Stars In Our Eyes

by KikiRose



Category: Lord of the Rings (Movies), Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, post quest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-11
Updated: 2013-01-11
Packaged: 2017-11-25 01:46:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/633782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KikiRose/pseuds/KikiRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now Sam was standing out in the dark and now he was, if only for a moment, Samwise Gamgee and not Sam Gardner, mayor of Hobbiton. Now he was a gardener for the Baggins, and he was drowning in the blue of his master’s eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stars In Our Eyes

       It had been a beautiful Yule celebration. The table had groaned under the weight of the feast and Merry and Pippin had come down from Brandybuck to celebrate with the Gardners, telling tales and singing songs to the delight of Sam’s children.  
But now the night was quiet and the children were abed. Rosie slept peacefully in their warm bed. Merry and Pippin were probably still smoking around the dinner table, reminiscing. Now Sam was standing out in the dark and now he was, if only for a moment, Samwise Gamgee and not Sam Gardner, mayor of Hobbiton. Now he was a gardener for the Baggins, and he was drowning in the blue of his master’s eyes.  
Sam gazed up at the starry sky and allowed himself to do something he seldom let himself do.  
        Sam cried.  
       Great big hiccupping sobs the likes of which he had long thought himself grown out of. He cried like had at Gandalf’s fall, at Frodo’s prone body seemingly drained of blood, at the desolation of all perceived innocence in his world.  
It was a painful kind of crying and Sam found himself on his knees, staring up at the sky through tears that seemed endless.  
       _Oh, Frodo_ , Sam felt the words deep inside his heart, _I miss you something terrible_.  
      There were no poems or songs or Elvish words to describe how Sam ached for Frodo. It was an ache he’d become so accustomed to swallowing that it was now akin to a constant bitter taste in the back of his throat. The sharp bile of loss, of longing, tainted even sweet things.  
      He could not himself cry for Frodo in front of his family. They had to think him strong, think him a Hobbit who was above sniffling and snotting out beneath a full moon. They must not know of his most secret desires, the cherished memories of kisses and embraces and heat.  
But sometimes it became too much and he found himself in secret places bowed down under the weight of missing, of not having, of half-remembering the weight of Frodo in his arms. His master, his dearest friend, his everything. He would feel the press of lips on his forehead and lash out with his arms as if this time he would catch Frodo and never let him go. Maybe this time he would throw himself in front of the Witch King and the blade meant for Frodo would pierce him, and he would have been the one to carry the burden of dying.  
     “Oh, Sam.”  
     Sam turned sharply to see Merry and Pippin standing behind him, each holding a small lantern and wearing identical expressions of pity and understanding.  
    “I—I was just gettin’ a bit of air, see…” Sam trailed off as a stumbled to his feet.  
    “It’s alright to cry for him, Sam.” Merry said quietly, setting down his lantern. “I still do, sometimes. Him ‘n Gandalf. Bilbo, even.”  
    “Aye, me as well.” Pippin smiled sadly. “I’ll see a dark haired Hobbit off in the distance and stop myself from calling out for him. Pick up a book and realize he’s not around to enjoy it. Happens all the time.”  
    Sam swiped some of the tears from his cheeks. “It’s just been so long…since he’s left. And we don’t even know what it’s like where he is. What happened to him.”  
    “Oh, don’t trouble yourself with that.” Merry put his arm around Sam’s shoulder. “With Gandalf and Elrond around you really think something bad could happen to him? He had to go, Sam. He would have died otherwise.”  
   “I know.” Sam looked down at his feet, feeling very much like Samwise Gamgee and not a lick like Mayor Gardner. “I just miss him something awful. All the time. And it just builds up and I don’t know what do but—“  
   “Cry, then.” Pippin squeezed his arm. “Never any harm in that.”  
    Sam closed his eyes and, for a moment, was moved back years. He could see himself standing with Frodo’s arm around him and Merry and Pippin laughing at something foolish as he and Frodo exchanged knowing smiles.  
    The tears came again but this time Merry and Pippin murmured words of comfort as they cried with him.  
    Below the stars, three Hobbits cried for their far away friend. Deep down, one mourned for his far away love.

 

_And far away, under stars of a different shape and shine, a lone Hobbit stood on silver shores and watched an ageless ocean sparkle and breathe under the moonlight. He closes his eyes and wraps his arms around himself, imagining for a moment that he is somewhere warm and familiar. Strong arms encircle him and there is no Ring between them, no wound in his shoulder slowly killing him, no sharp rocks at their back._   
_Below the stars, a far away Hobbit weeps silently with a smile curving his mouth._


End file.
